舒雅媽媽蒙主恩召見證分享
愛是永不止息
我的媽媽在2017年正式被診斷出有帕金森氏症。她病情惡化的速度算很快。差不多在十個月前，媽媽開始要插鼻餵管和尿管，她也失去說話和肢體活動的能力，但是她的頭腦一直是非常清楚的狀態。
媽媽是一位基督徒，她深知她的生命在神的手中，所以她一再表示萬一哪一天她需要作氣切或一些置入性的急救，她不願意。媽媽在今年四月分跟五月分有兩次被緊急送醫急救。出院後她再次表示她不要再回醫院急救了。媽媽在台灣時間6/15/2021大約中午時間，於家裡睡夢中回到主的懷抱。臉上充滿寧靜安詳。
就在媽媽回到主懷抱的差不多時間，也就是Austin的6/14/2021深夜，很奇怪的，那晚我睡不著覺。於是我起床想隨便看點什麼，就無意間在網路上看到一個人在做見證，他說到他是腦癌末期，他知道上帝要招他回去了，所以他跟他的妻子一起禱告，要道別了。
但就在當天晚上，耶穌造訪他們，神榮耀的同在臨到他們，神的同在實在太美好太美好了，即使耶穌現在真的就在他們面前了，他們根本也開不了口說“耶穌啊，請你醫治我”，因為神的同在太美好了，好到比病得醫治更好。我看到這時，眼淚不停的流，好像神是在告訴我說，神的同在比媽媽的病得醫治更好。後來我就哭著睡著了。第二天早上，我就接到媽媽回到主懷抱的消息了。
我一下子還是不能接受這個消息。因為疫情的關係，我已經有兩年不能回去看媽媽，好不容易，今年我疫苗都打好了，換台灣那邊疫情加溫。我內心有很深的罪咎感，我還有一些想為媽媽做的事，我都還沒來得及做。
我陷入情緒崩潰的景況中，我沒有辦法睡覺，一躺下就覺得天旋地轉，我感覺要窒息了，不能呼吸了，我感覺心好痛，心好像碎掉了，我不能獨處，森文和孩子需要時刻護在我旁邊。
我沒有辦法禱告，感覺好像沒有話語可以禱告出來。但是我謝謝森文還有牧師跟Sue師母，在禱告中紀念我，用禱告托住我。所以到大約第三天的時候，我有了一點力氣，走到我的琴房，我想說，我既然禱告不出任何字句來，那我用彈琴試試看好了。
我拿出兩首詩歌開始彈，一遍又一遍，不停地彈，彈了整天。彈著彈著，我感覺我的心開始可以敬拜神了，我又繼續彈著彈著，就在一邊彈的同時，我突然看見媽媽，她的臉是年輕的臉，她在微笑，臉頰還有酒窩，頭髮梳得很整齊。
接著，我又聽見有聲音說：美香，美香。美香是誰呢？她是媽媽在台北教會的朋友，她跟媽媽差不多年紀，但是比媽媽早大概五年的時間回天家，因為癌症的關係。
哇，突然之間，我感覺心中被很大的喜樂充滿，我覺得，哎呀，我怎麼一直把眼目停在媽媽生病的樣子呢，媽媽已經不是那個樣子了，媽媽現在的樣子非常的美好幸福，她跟美香阿姨遇到了，還有其他在主裡睡著的主的孩子們，都在一起了。我應該為她歡喜快樂。
一下子，我的情緒崩潰，得了醫治，我靈裡被轄制，得了釋放。我了解到，主裡兄姐的代禱，加上不住的敬拜讚美，會幫助我們，把眼目從地上轉移到天上。神的光照進來，我們就看見盼望。
結束我的敬拜後，我對這一切奇妙的經歷感到不可思議，但是我的心得醫治卻是那們真實的。連後來Sharron打電話給我都說，聽妳的聲音，妳還可以嘛！！
我還問森文說，我是不是自己在幻想啊，他回答我說：不是，妳是看見異象了。就像約耳書裡說的：以後，我要將我的靈澆灌凡有血氣的，你們的兒女要說預言，你們的老年人要做異夢，少年人要見異象。太好了，我還算是少年人。我很感謝神憐憫我的軟弱，用這樣的方式釋放安慰我。
本來，我跟台北家人討論的結果是，因為疫情的關係，我回去也是要在防疫旅館，也不能和家人有什麼相處，那我乾脆留在美國，幫忙準備一些追思禮拜要用的音樂，做一些要用的影片等等，到時我就跟他們一起用視訊直播參加媽媽的追思禮拜。媽媽的追思禮拜訂於6/30/2021。於是我開始著手準備一切，森文也是全力幫助我。
在6/20/2021我完成全部我需要負責的部分。我感覺內心很踏實，即使沒有辦法回去，也沒有什麼遺憾。
哪知，森文突然說有感動跟我分享耶穌去探望已經死了的拉撒路，與傷心的馬大和瑪利亞在一起的經文。在約翰福音11：1-4 提到：耶穌所愛的人拉撒路生病了，他住在伯大尼，他的姊妹馬大和馬利亞打發人去見耶穌，求主醫治。耶穌說：「這病不至於死，乃是為神的榮耀，叫神的兒子因此得榮耀。」後來拉撒路死了，耶穌行神蹟叫拉撒路從死裡復活。我心裡想，我又不是耶穌，這經文要說什麼，我不懂。但我把這經文放在心中。
就在隔天，我心中有股急迫感，感覺我需要回去和我的爸爸和弟弟在一起，我也感覺到聖靈給我力量，讓我知道當我一個人坐飛機，轉機，一個人在防疫旅館中，我不會感到害怕，因為聖靈會與我同在。
於是我就跟森文說我需要回去。森文二話不說，很快地訂機票，訂防疫旅館。我甚至都沒有上飛機三天前需要有的核酸檢測陰性報告，我就在6/22/2021凌晨出發回台灣。
我很快得跟弟弟聯絡，說我要衝回去了，弟弟緊張地問我跟爸爸說了沒，我說沒有說，因為我不想被念，我叫弟弟去幫我說，果然，說完我弟弟也順便幫我挨爸爸念。
因為是疫情特殊情況，不是台灣國民，現在是不能入境台灣的，所以我在舊金山飛台北的飛機，全是台灣人。而且人很少，飛機上，一人一排，整個旅程我是躺著睡覺的。
我還記得飛到一段，機長就報告說將會有一個不小的亂流，叫大家坐下扣好安全帶，包括空服員。我記得我就坐正了，閉上眼睛開始禱告，然後等我再睜開眼睛時，怎麼已經開始在送餐了，我都不知道自己是睡著多久，到底有沒有亂流我也不知道。
在這班飛機上，我感到特別的安穩，因為我知道這班機是飛往我的家鄉，飛機上的人，都是我的同胞，我們講著同一種台灣國語。
那種旅人回家鄉的感覺很美好，這提醒了我，這就如同我的媽媽，她也是要回去她永遠的家鄉，那裡的人，都是天國人，講著同一種天國語言，那是個美得無比，有阿爸父同在的家鄉。
天父的愛永不離開，就如同保羅在羅馬書8:38-39中說的：因為我深信，無論是死，是生，是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，是現在的事，是將來的事，是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，都不能叫我們與上帝的愛隔絕，這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裏的。
媽媽的離開，對我來說是個衝擊，我感覺到措手不及，還沒有準備好，一切就發生了。
這給了我一個很大的當頭棒喝，讓我想起在聖經馬太福音25: 1-13 提到：那時， 天 國 好 比 十 個 童 女 拿 著 燈 出 去 迎 接 新 郎 。其 中 有 五 個 是 愚 拙 的 ， 五 個 是 聰 明 的 。愚 拙 的 拿 著 燈 ， 卻 不 預 備 油 ；聰 明 的 拿 著 燈 ， 又 預 備 油 在 器 皿 裡 。新 郎 遲 延 的 時 候 ， 他 們 都 打 盹 ， 睡 著 了 。半 夜 有 人 喊 著 說 ： 新 郎 來 了 ， 你 們 出 來 迎 接 他 ！那 些 童 女 就 都 起 來 收 拾 燈 。愚 拙 的 對 聰 明 的 說 ： 請 分 點 油 給 我 們 ， 因 為 我 們 的 燈 要 滅 了 。聰 明 的 回 答 說 ： 恐 怕 不 夠 你 我 用 的 ； 不 如 你 們 自 己 到 賣 油 的 那 裡 去 買 罷 。他 們 去 買 的 時 候 ， 新 郎 到 了 。 那 預 備 好 了 的 ， 同 他 進 去 坐 席 ， 門 就 關 了 。其 餘 的 童 女 隨 後 也 來 了 ， 說 ： 主 阿 ， 主 阿 ， 給 我 們 開 門 ！他 卻 回 答 說 ： 我 實 在 告 訴 你 們 ， 我 不 認 識 你 們 。所 以 ， 你 們 要 儆 醒 ； 因 為 那 日 子 ， 那 時 辰 ， 你 們 不 知 道 。
我們在地上的年日，所經歷的一切，其實都是神在預備我們，要使我們越來越像祂自己。要為將來天上的生活作好準備。
依照現在世界的景況來看，主耶穌回來接祂的新娘的日子真的是一天一天地近了，我們需要每天提醒自己，我的燈裡要有油，要敬虔渡日，隨時準備好主的再來。
我感謝神，讓我平安的回到這個屬靈的家中，我特別要謝謝Sharoon還有Doris的關懷，妳們曾經經歷看似苦難的事情，如今在神的手中變成了祝福，祝福在我這個主裡軟弱的肢體身上。
我也要謝謝Anny，在我在台灣的期間，預備豐盛的食物餵養我家一老二小。雖然Anny常常說她是初信者，有很多不懂，但是，Anny做在需要的弟兄姊妹身上的，就像是做在主的身上，主已經紀念賜福。
我也要謝謝庭瑤一家，你們是新朋友，我們都還沒去探訪你們，你們就先來探訪關懷我的家人，也看顧關照我們家小朋友。
還有許多主內兄姊的關心，我沒有辦法一一提到名字，但是我心中充滿感激。
我還要謝謝慕道友小利，妳溫暖的握著我的手，分擔我的哀傷，也不怕covid病毒傳染，讓我心中很溫暖，我會為妳和全家禱告，求神的旨意在妳們家彰顯，一起來認識這位豐富又滿有慈愛的神。
在主裡睡著的人，是有福氣的。他們回到主愛的懷抱中。在詩篇63:3大衛也曾經說：祢的慈愛比生命更好，我的嘴唇要頌讚祢。
我們與世上一切人事物的關係都有終止的一天，唯有我們跟神的關係是永恆的。肉體的死亡，不能阻斷上帝對祂兒女永恆的愛。愛是永不止息，只有在主裡，才有這份不止息的愛。
如果你還不認識這位愛的神，趕快打開心門來接受祂。這位賜給我們生命氣息的神， 很願意和我們建立這份愛的關係。
主內軟弱肢體 舒雅筆於 7/2/2021 北投防疫旅館
Mom Went Home to be with the Lord: My Sharing and Testimony
Written in Aloft Quarantine Hotel, Beitou, Taipei.
Love never fails:
1. Showing mom’s 68th birthday picture
This is my mom, she was clinically diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease back in 2017. Her conditions and symptoms deteriorated rapidly. Around ten months ago, my mom started to need intubation for nutrition and catheter insertion, and she also lost her ability for speech and mobility. But mom still can think clearly.
Mom was a Christian, and she knew her life was in God’s hand. As a result, she expressed her desire to not receive additional invasive urgent medical remedies. Mom was sent to ER once in April and once in May. Once out of the hospital, mom expressed that she does not want to go back to receive these treatments. On 6/15/2021 noon time, mom went home to be with the Lord in her sleep. Her face looked peaceful and kind.
Just as my mom went home to be with the Lord, which is around the middle of the night on 6/14/2021 in Austin, I was becoming restless and unable to sleep. So I turned to watch something. So I coincidently turned to an online testimony from a cancer patient. This fellow said he had terminal brain cancer, and he knew God is calling him home. So he prayed with his wife to say goodbye. On that night, Jesus came to visit them, and God’s glory was upon them. Being in the presence of God was a beautiful and amazing experience, and even though Jesus was in front of them, they couldn’t say: “Jesus, please heal me”. To be in God’s presence is simply too amazing – it’s better than being healed. I teared up as I watched this testimony. It’s as though as if God is telling me that being with God is better than physical healing. So I went to sleep in tears. The next morning, I learned that my mom is now with the Lord.
I still can’t process the fact that I’m in bereavement. Due to the pandemic, I haven’t been able to visit mom for two whole years. And just as I got vaccinated here in the US, the situation in Taiwan begins to worsen. I feel a deep sense of guilt because there are things that I still want to do for my mom that I haven’t got to yet.
Some brothers and sisters may have heard about my sharing of my husband’s car accident, where I mentioned about the number 9. I mentioned some Taiwanese view 9 as an unlucky number – associated with bad luck. In my previous testimony, I boasted that our God is greater than any superstition. But now, my mom is turning 69 this year, I feel like the enemy is pulling my shirt collar, exclaiming to me: what do you have to testify about now?
I fell deep into emotional turmoil. I couldn’t fall asleep, if I lie down, my head began to spin. This is all a suffocating feeling to me. I feel so hurt, like my heart completely broken. I couldn’t be just by myself, I need Senwen and kids nearby me for protection.
At that moment, I wasn’t even able to pray, and it feels that I have no language to utter a prayer. I’m very thankful to prayers and support from Senwen, Pastor, and Sue. Because on the third day since mom’s passing, I gained a little bit of strength to walk to my piano room. I thought to myself, if I can’t say a prayer, then let me try with my music.
I took out two pieces, and I played them again none-stop for the entire day. Gradually as I played, I found my heart worshipping the Lord. I continued playing, but suddenly, I saw my mom. Her young face now smiling with dimples, and her hair well groomed.
Just then, I heard a voice saying: MeiXiang (or beautiful scent). Who is she? She was mom’s church friend in Taipei. She was mom’s pair, but she went home to be with the Lord five years earlier due to cancer.
Wow, suddenly, my heart is now filled with great joy! I realized that my eyes have been stuck on the appearance of my ailing mom instead of her appearance now. My mom is no longer sick, she looks beautiful now and is united with MeiXiang and other children of God. So, I really should be happy for her.
Just then, my emotional unraveling was healed, and my oppressed spirit is now relieved. The prayers of our brothers and sisters in Christ and unwavering worship will help to move our eyes from the earth to God’s kingdom. When God’s light shine through, we see hope.
In reply to the enemy, I proclaimed that death is not the end of her life, my mom’s life is just beginning. 69 years is the beginning of a victorious life in Christ.
After I concluded my worship, I found this amazing experience unfathomable, but the healing I undergone was real! I also received a call later from Sharon, and after hearing me, she told me that I’m doing alright!
I asked Senwen, am I imagining things? He replied to me: no, you saw vision. Just like Joel 2:28: “And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.” Awesome, I said to myself, I’m still a young one. I’m thankful for God’s graceful ways over my weakness.
At first, because of the 2-week quarantine, my family and I concluded that I should forego returning for funeral. Rather, I should stay state side and prepare music for the memorial service. When it’s time for the memorial, I’ll join online. Mom’s memorial service was set for 6/30/2021. And so, I began my preparation with help from Senwen.
On 6/20, I wrapped my responsible portions for the memorial. I feel at peace even though I can’t go back – no regrets.
Somehow, Senwen felt touched and shared with me scriptures about Jesus visiting the dead Lazarus with the saddened Martha and Mary. John 11:1-4 told the story of Lazarus in sickness: Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. 2 (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) 3 So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” 4 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Eventually, Lazarus did die, but Jesus raised him from the grave. I thought to myself, I’m not Jesus, what does this scripture mean? Even though I didn’t get it, I kept it in my heart.
On the next day, I felt an urge to go back to be with my brother and dad, and I also felt the holy spirit giving me the strength to endure flying, transiting, and the long quarantine. I knew I won’t be afraid because the holy spirit is there for me.
So I told Senwen that I need to go back. Without any hesitation, Senwen immediately booked the airfare and quarantine hotel. It was so sudden that I didn’t even do the mandated PCR testing within 3 days prior to flying to Taiwan. I flew out on the early morning of 6/22.
I told my brother that I’m coming home, and my brother nervously asked me if I told the old man yet. I told him no, and I asked him to explain the trip to Dad. Well, he got a scolding.
Due to the pandemic, non-Taiwanese citizen or residents cannot enter Taiwan right now, and so the flight I boarded in San Francisco was mostly Taiwanese with plenty of space. I had a row to myself.
I still remember during flight, the captain reported turbulence and asked everyone and crew to sit down and buckle up. I remembered that I sat straight and closed my eyes to pray. When I opened my eyes again, food is already being served. I didn’t even know how long I slept or whether we hit turbulence or not.
On this flight, I felt secure, because I am flying home. The flight is carrying my compatriots, and we speak the same language and the same Taiwanese dialect.
There is this comforting feeling of the traveler returning back home. This reminds me, just like my mom, she’s returning to her eternal home. Over there, they are all fellow believers in Christ and residents of God’s kingdom and speak the same language of heaven. Nothing on earth can compare with that beauty where Abba father is present.
Heavenly father’s love does not depart from us, just as Paul reminds us in Romans 8:38-39: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Mom’s leaving was devastating to me – I wasn’t prepared and didn’t know how to respond – it just all happened so fast.
This is a wakeup call for me. It reminds me of Matthew 25:1-13:
“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom.2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps.5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’
7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’
9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’
10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
11 “Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’
12 “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’
13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.
Our time and experiences on earth are all God’s preparing us to be more like himself, to be prepared for a life in heaven.
Looking at the events unfolding across the world, the day when Jesus come for his bride is closing in day by day. We need to remind ourselves that we need oil in our lamp – living each day faithfully to prepare for the coming of the Lord.
I want to give thanks to God to allow me to come back to this spiritual home. I want to especially mention the attention and care given to me by Sharon and Doris. What you guys used to see as suffering and ordeal is now blessing to your sister who is weak in body.
I also want to give a shout out to Anny for the abundant food she prepared for my family when I was gone. Even though Anny claim to be a new believer and has limited understanding, but Anny, what you did for your brothers and sisters, you are doing so to your Lord. Our Lord remembers it all!
I want to thank Sister Tingyao and family. You are new friends at church, and you already came visited us and cared for our kids even though we haven’t visited you guys yet.
There are many brothers and sisters who cared for me and my family during this time, I won’t name you, but I’m full of gratitude.
I also want to give thanks to seeker Xiaoli as well. Your warmly held my hands and shared my sadness and sorrow all the while not afraid of covid transmission made me feel warm in my heart. I want to pray for you and your family, and I pray that may God’s will be done and glorified in your family. We can all come together to learn about this God of abundant blessing and love.
Those asleep in the Lord are blessed. They came into the embrace of our Lord. In Psalms 63:3, David once said: Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
Our relationship to the physical world will come to an end one day. However, only our relationship with our Lord is everlasting. I truly feel that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Death cannot stop me from loving my mom. Death also can’t disrupt my mom’s self-sacrificing love for me. For her love continues in my life. So physical death cannot separate God’s eternal love from his children. Love never fails, and only in our Lord, can we have this never failing love!
This maker that gave us breath is very willing to establish a relationship of love with us. If you don’t know this loving God, perhaps it’s time for you to open your heart to welcome him.
By Your Physically Meek Shuya
Completed in Beitou Quarantine Hotel
